Sunday, April 18, 2010

Thank you to my Secret Pal

This weekend has been a rough weekend. On Friday evening, I sat in my kitchen and listened to a friend joyfully tell us about her pregnancy, she's 14 weeks along and brought pictures from the U/S to show. They only tried 1 month to get pregnant. Yes, people, she was in that group that get knocked up on the first try. I sat and discussed pregnancy while drinking, heavily for me. I'm enough of a light weight that I'm tipsy after a glass of wine. I had 4. For me, this equated to drunk.

After sharing our struggles and seeing her out, P and I talked for a while about life, the universe, and how much it sucked that we've been trying for years and they sneeze and are pregnant. Yes, we're starting to come clean to friends now. Most of our friends are guys and not married. The nice lady who was here was one of only 3 married couples we socialize with on a regular basis. Out of the 3, 1 is pregnant, 1 was infertile and had their miracle last year, the 3rd has cats and wants no kids at this point in time. I find it easier to share now than I did at first. I was ashamed of what I was and frequently feel like less of a woman.

Saturday, we find out another acquaintance is pregnant with her second. My first thought is "Who's next? Are we going to find out the neighbor's dog is pregnant too?" The mail arrived, but we didn't head out of the house to bring it in yesterday. We're prepping for the Young'un's party on the weekend of Mother's Day. With 3 theater shows in 2 months, the house is not at its best right now so I figured the mail would wait.

This morning, I wake up and go down to find a package sitting on the table. The package was from my Secret Pal. I opened it and found 2 balls of yarn in purple, my favorite color, a magnet with a lovely quote, and a nice note. As I stood there looking at this gift, I almost cried because I needed this today. It's been a long and rough weekend and someone somewhere was thinking about me. Someone out there understands what it's like to be going through this and knows that hearing another person's good news, while a happy occasion, drives that little hole in your own heart a little wider. And understands the guilt you feel for it as well.

Thank you to whom ever sent me the package. It brightened up a rough weekend and made my day much brighter. I have anew beret and scarf in my future. I have a magnet on my fridge reminding me that a happy life isn't given to you, you have to make it, and a note kept with the other important things in life. Thank you for being my Secret Pal. Thank you for the lovely gift.

1 comment:

Browniris said...

I feel for you with how hard it can be to cope with friends who get KU. One of my BFF got KU on their first month, too, and she is now about 20 weeks. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. Hang in there!