The cycle started Friday and now I'm counting the days to trying. I've dusted off my trusty thermometer. I've marked days on the calendar. I'm hopeful yet again. Anyone else in this month? Or am I all alone?
Well, not officially yet, but soon. As any charter, current, reformed, or other will tell you, once you start checking things you start to learn the cues if your cycle is nice and stable. Which luckily mine is. So in a couple of days, I'll be officially back from this hiatus and ready to start making me some babies trying again. The break has been nice as life handed us lots of non-time in this past month. Things should start to settle down soon and everything will go back to what passes for normal at our house.
Why you ask? Because it's getting harder each month to pretend that we aren't worried or that it doesn't hurt when each cycle ends in no pregnancy. It hurts to hear about friends who are having babues, no matter how happy we are for them. It hurts wondering if you'll ever get to make that same announcement. It hurts being the one who smiles even as your heart breaks when you see babies and hear the stories of "We weren't really trying, but we're pregnant!". People ask "When will you be having a baby?" and you grit your teeth and smile politely while making up an answer just so they will leave you alone.
So this month we didn't try to time anything, didn't check anything, didn't do anything at all about having a child. This month, I enjoyed just being me and not worrying about sticking a thermometer ni my mouth each morning at the crack of dawn. I didn't set my alarm for the weekends. I didn't grab my husband and inform him that I was fertile and he better make with the fun. We know my pattern and know when we really should be doing the deed, but it's not the priority this month. And you know what? I'm fine with that this month. Next month, I make no promises, but for now I'm not going to stress.