Monday, June 8, 2009


Well, I'm out again for this month. Of course Aunt FLo arrived during the young'un's dance recital where I was surrounded by many babies, toddlers, and pregnant women. Yeah, it was real special. I know I'm lucky that I have the young'un, even if I didn't give birth to her. It puts me into an odd limbo land. I have a child that I love dearly, that looks amazing like me, for whom I would do anything, and who is the light of my life. Yet I still want to have a child that calls me "Mommy", not by my name. I want to smell baby breath and feel the warmth of a baby in my arms. I even kind of look forward to the sleep deprivation, spit up, and poop blowouts because it means that I have a baby. Tonight I will cry, grieve, and mourn the lost possibility of this month. Then tomorrow I'll be back to being as positive and hopeful as I can be. It's 20 months since we began trying and will be 2 years on our 2nd anniversary in August. If I had know how difficult this was going to be, I'd of thrown out the condoms years ago.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Sore boobs? (TMI warning)

Okay, this is new. I've had very sore nipples for the last 4 days. Nothing else is sore, just my nipples. This fact amuses my other half and he thinks it's funny to try and touch them at any point in time. I'm also peeing like a racehorse. Yet, I still don't feel hopeful because my temperature has begun dropping. Ugh! 5 more days until testing.