Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sometimes it's all you can do not to cry

Today my husband was joking around about the magical cleaning fairy and he says to me "If you're the magic cleaning fairy then I'll give you our firstborn to make the mess disappear." Sometimes the most off hand comments can hurt the most.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Monthly is done

Time to start planning the next week around available opportunities and hoping that my husband will be in the mood. It's hard to be in the mood when scheduling things like sex. Sponteniety has always worked better for us. Now we find ourselves planning everything. That can kill the mood and makes it feel more like work. It's more along the lines of "Come on honey, time to try and make a baby again" said in the best Dunkin' Doughnuts Fred the Baker voice. Still the hope every month is that it will work and I'll concieve and the baby will stick.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Hi, I'm April. I have a husband and a step-daughter. I love and adore both of them. I'm trying to get pregnant and have been trying for over a year now. I've not yet been labeled as infertile because I've had a miscarriage. In fact, I've had 2. Therefore, I can get pregnant. I just can't stay that way. In that way I'm sub fertile. Or so the doctor says.

Today is CD1. For those of you out there in blog-land who aren't trying to get pregnant or are able to get pregnant just by drinking water, that means cycle day 1. This is the beginning of the monthly cycle that is my living hell because when one is trying to get pregnant and can't, it's inevitable that every friend or person you know is going to announce a pregnancy or have their baby and show off how adorable their newborn is. It just rubs salt in an already open and bleeding sore on your heart, but you smile and exclaim, "Congratulations! That's great!" even though inside you're screaming different words that later you feel guilty about because it is great and you are happy for them. You just wish it was you.

Join me in my journey. I can't promise it will be pretty. I can't promise it'll be fun. I just hope that it ends in a family.