Wednesday, March 4, 2009

We took this month off

Why you ask? Because it's getting harder each month to pretend that we aren't worried or that it doesn't hurt when each cycle ends in no pregnancy. It hurts to hear about friends who are having babues, no matter how happy we are for them. It hurts wondering if you'll ever get to make that same announcement. It hurts being the one who smiles even as your heart breaks when you see babies and hear the stories of "We weren't really trying, but we're pregnant!".
People ask "When will you be having a baby?" and you grit your teeth and smile politely while making up an answer just so they will leave you alone.

So this month we didn't try to time anything, didn't check anything, didn't do anything at all about having a child. This month, I enjoyed just being me and not worrying about sticking a thermometer ni my mouth each morning at the crack of dawn. I didn't set my alarm for the weekends. I didn't grab my husband and inform him that I was fertile and he better make with the fun. We know my pattern and know when we really should be doing the deed, but it's not the priority this month. And you know what? I'm fine with that this month. Next month, I make no promises, but for now I'm not going to stress.

It still hurts deep inside though.

4 comments:

The Pifer's said...

Sweetie, I hate break months as much as it sounds like ya'll do...it kills us to "not" try, but at the same time it's so nice not having to worry about the temping and everything else...I am praying for you big time and I really hope and pray that we both recieve our much wanted BFP's on our break cycles; wouldn't that just be so amazing?

Sam_I_am said...

Awwww, sometimes, once you kick back and aren't pressured, it just happens. Good luck, have a relaxing break month.

Carebear said...

I read your recent posts and am sorry for your struggles. My sister and her husband has your same problems, but unfortunately gave up on the marriage before they could see IVF through. I said a little prayer for you that God might answer yours so that your followers might know the power of prayer and the goodness of our God! Good luck to you!

Zeemaid said...

been there done that. We went through over two years of "unexplained" infertility and then I read about progesterone cream... you're probably tired of hearing from people who have "useful suggestions" but from someone who's been there... it's a definite avenue to try. After one month of trying the cream (my gp said it couldn't hurt) I got pregnant. so many women today suffer from hormone imbalances. feel free to contact me if you'd like any more information. I still have some links to the research I had done.