Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Soundtrack

In my world, life has a soundtrack. Music has been a huge part of my life and as such, in my head I have my little "radio" that lays random tunes. Now before you think I'm nuts and that I've lost whatever of my mind still remains, I assure you I am fine. (Yes, I know crazy people never think they are crazy. The difference is I know I'm crazy.) Anywho, soundtracks. Lately I've had 1 song playing over and over in my head and also in my car since I have the cd on repeat. Matchbox 20's "Long Day". This song has been playing for the following lines: "Reach down your hand in your paocket / Pull out some hope for me. / It's been a long day, always ain't that right. / No lord your hand won't stop it / Just keep it trembling / It's been a long day always, ain't that right." Yes, the chorus of this kinda depressing song has become my current theme song for this cycle. Because I need to hope and I'm finding it hard to do so before ovulation has even occurred.

I have no idea why I'm so negative about this cycle. Maybe because it's the last before the next step, if the next step is needed? Maybe because it seems that everyone I know IRL is making pregnancy announcements at the moment? (I knew this was going to happen when we got 3 feet of snow in February. Somehow, I just knew there would be lots of babies coming.) Maybe it's because I'm scared that it will work and then I'll be in a different world than what I've known. I'll be the elusive exectant mother. I know it happens, I've met them. But it doesn't seem to stick for me so it seems like a dream. A really nice dream that's just beyond my fingertips. Still, if you can reach down and pull out some hope to share, Lord knows I need it this month.

5 comments:

Heather said...

I just wrote about theme songs in our lives....it's so important! Try no to be too negative (even though it's the normal way to be)...take deep breaths, find diversions...know you are loved! xxxx

Samantha said...

I love that whole cd! I really hope this happens for you this month too! I'm also very bummed and not hopeful about this cycle. I hope we are both wrong and get our bfp!

Nichole said...

After so many BFN's...it is hard to feel positive about a cycle.

I hope this is the one for you!

Browniris said...

I have found that waiting to ovulate is usually the hardest part of the cycle for me. After that, I have slowly developed the attitude of "what's done is done and there is nothing else I can do this cycle". Sometimes it can be so hard to have any hope when you have been at this for so long. Is there anything that you could get involved with for a distraction? Any chance for anything that might help you relax, like a pedicure or massage? Hang in there and know that we are all cheering for you!

Di said...

Stopping by for ICLW. I think its normal to feel negative - I told dh I no longer get my hopes up. Its just easier that way!