In my world, life has a soundtrack. Music has been a huge part of my life and as such, in my head I have my little "radio" that lays random tunes. Now before you think I'm nuts and that I've lost whatever of my mind still remains, I assure you I am fine. (Yes, I know crazy people never think they are crazy. The difference is I know I'm crazy.) Anywho, soundtracks. Lately I've had 1 song playing over and over in my head and also in my car since I have the cd on repeat. Matchbox 20's "Long Day". This song has been playing for the following lines: "Reach down your hand in your paocket / Pull out some hope for me. / It's been a long day, always ain't that right. / No lord your hand won't stop it / Just keep it trembling / It's been a long day always, ain't that right." Yes, the chorus of this kinda depressing song has become my current theme song for this cycle. Because I need to hope and I'm finding it hard to do so before ovulation has even occurred.
I have no idea why I'm so negative about this cycle. Maybe because it's the last before the next step, if the next step is needed? Maybe because it seems that everyone I know IRL is making pregnancy announcements at the moment? (I knew this was going to happen when we got 3 feet of snow in February. Somehow, I just knew there would be lots of babies coming.) Maybe it's because I'm scared that it will work and then I'll be in a different world than what I've known. I'll be the elusive exectant mother. I know it happens, I've met them. But it doesn't seem to stick for me so it seems like a dream. A really nice dream that's just beyond my fingertips. Still, if you can reach down and pull out some hope to share, Lord knows I need it this month.