Further reflections

This is a follow-up of sorts the the reflections of last week.

Yes, I still attend baby showers. As an infertile woman, it tears me apart inside to see the happiness of the mother-to-be, rubbing her tunny and glowing with pride and joy at the miracle inside. It just rips the band-aid off of the wound in my heart. You may ask, "April, if it hurts so much, why do you go? Why don't you stay home and safe away from these experiences?". The answer is simple, as much as it hurts me, it would hurt just as much to cut these women from my life. These are my friends and family. I am happy for them, that they are about to become a mother. I want to be there to celebrate their happiness. They are important to me. That's why I buy little baby things and make a blanket for each and every shower. Yes, I crochet blankets for each baby shower. I'm beyond insane for that one according to my husband.

Honesty also requires me to admit to selfishness here too. I want them to be there for me, if my time ever comes. I'm afraid that if I skip their showers, then if I ever have need for one, they will look back and say "Well, she didn't come to mine, why should I go to hers?". I know this probably isn't the case. Most of these people at least have an idea of what we are going through. They have heard bits and pieces and understand that we are having difficulties having children.

So there you have it. I go because I care about these women and because I'm selfish.