A post from another

A little pregnant has posted about some new ads about infertility. They are worth watching. i know I can see myself in some of these and I can see P as well. Maybe ads like these will help spread the word about how much this really and truly does hurt. One can hope.

ICLW

Welcome ICLWers! I really meant to get this up yesterday, but time being what it was and the fact I spent most of the day at the theater with my husband and the young'un for her spring ballet, well yeah. So anyway, here's a quick recap of the journey to date and maybe something interesting about me.

Aug. 2007 - married and threw away the condoms.
Dec. 2007 - BFP!!
Jan. 2008 - miscarriage, 6w 2d.
Nothing for several months as we tried in vain to do it on our own.......
Sept. 2009 - spoke with gynecologist about the fact that there are no babies and we've been without protection for 2+ years
Nov. 2009 - diagnossed as anovulatory and SA came back as normal
Jan. 2010 - first round of clomid - 50mg - anovulatory
Feb. 2010 - second round of clomid - 100mg - ovulated, BFN
Mar. 2010 - third (and probable final) round of clomid - 100mg - awaiting ovulation now

So yeah, that's our journey to date. This is kind of what I'm seeing as our last chance for the moment. We aren't covered for an RE. It would all be out of pocket. We had thought with a referal at least the visit would be covered. But it appears that is not to be. We're now talking about what our next step should be.

As for something interesting about me, well, to be honest I can't really come up with much at the moment. Maybe next month?

CD 5 / Day 3

Okay, now I'm worried because there have been no side effects of the annoying kind so far this cycle. I was prepared for the jitters, the night sweats, the general crankiness and craziness that characterized the last two times I was on this medication. However, this time there is nothing. And now I wonder if it's working. For what it's worth, my protocol for this month is 100mg on days 3-7. Sex starts on CD10. Yay. More scheduled intamacy with my husband. I miss spontaniety.

Is there ever a time in this journey when there isn't something niggling at the back of our heads? What if I'm pregnant this time? What if I'm not? Do we want to do another round of treatments? Do we stay on this path or search for another? When do the questions end? Do the end? I know as a step-parent I question everything constantly. I hope that maybe if I ever have one of my own, maybe I won't question as much, though I'm sure Iwill. Probably even more than I do now. We'll see. It's all in God's hands for me.

CD3 / Day 1

The clomid begins again. So far, no jitters, hot flashes, or irrational mood swings, but it's only 9:30 in the morning. We'll see how this week goes.

To make this week even more fun, it's tech week for a show for which I'm running a light board. This means rehearsals every evening and short sleep every night. P is building it and running the sound. The young'un is dancing in it as it's for her ballet school. Oh well. Nothing like added stress to compliment the extra hormonal infertile, right? At least on Friday after the show there will be drinking. massive drinking. By massive, I mean 1 as I have the tolerance of a gnat. But it counts, right?

So anyway, the gist of this is I'm back in the saddle and ready to try and make a baby. Please God, let this time work.

Recovery

My mother-in-law is home and doing great. She seems to be fully recovered from the heart attack which is a great thing. The rest of us aren't though. This was the first major illness for any of our parents. I guess until now we just kind of thought they were invincible? I mean who wants to admit their parents are getting older and they're moving in the stage where people their age start losing parents to old age diseases? I know I don't. So this was the wake-up call that maybe we need to spend more time with them before we do lose them permanently. We're slowly getting back to normal. Each call from a family member no longer brings that first moment of panic thinking something's wrong. Life is falling back into the normal routine of running hectically everywhere all at once with the Young'un and her dance and work and the dogs and and and.... You know, normal life. it's returning. We're recovering from the scare. thankfully we had taken this month as a break month because our schedules weren't going to mesh up right to schedule the whole baby making time. This was a blessing in disguise as that's when everything went to hell and we were at the hospital for most of a week. So that's the update. things are going well, things are mostly back to normal, and I really need to call and visit my parents a lot more.

Rough weekend

P's mom had a heart attack yesterday. She is doing well and is expected to go home later this week, maybe as early as Wednesday. She was fortunate to only have 1 artery blocked. They were able to cath it and put in a stint. She had minimal damage to her heart, no permanant damage found at this point. At this point we are just doing whatever we can to make sure everything gets done as needed.