Friday, September 25, 2009

Still hanging on

It's been a hectic week trying to get through everyone on ICLW. It's made for a few late nights, but I'm enjoying meeting everyone and realizing that I'm not the only one out there. Some days I feel very alone in this world of IF. On Wednesday, I went to the hospital and met a fellow IFer's new baby. The baby is beautiful. Mom and Dad are over the moon. I sat there holding this sweet bundle of newborn joy and all I kept thinking was "When is it my turn?".

Then leaving the hospital, the women care hospital, surrounded by pregnant bellies and new babies, all I wanted to do was run to my car and sob and feel sorry for myself because I wasn't pregnant and didn't have a baby at home. But I did not. I did not give in to the sadness. Instead, I remembered all of the years of struggling C&B went through to have their beautiful daughter. I remembered all the years of heartache they went through. It was not a day to be jealous of their happiness, even if a little part of me still was. It was a day to remember that there are others in the same boat. There are others who have been at this same point. And some of those same others have crossed over and have their bundles of joy. I just have to keep thinking that one day it will be my turn as well.

8 comments:

jill said...

I think it's great that you were even able to go to the hospital to see the baby. You did well! Don't beat yourself up about the jealous feelings - we all have them :/

You have a good attitude - imo it shows you are trully thinking of how your friends feel too.

It's so hard though. *hug*

WannabeMommy said...

Ahhhh.... I cry a little inside as I realize how many times I've felt EXACTLY the way you've described in your post. It is comforting to know you're not alone, isn't it?

You're not alone.

Happy ICLW to you, and thanks for stopping by my blog :-)

Me said...

That is such a great attitude! When I was ttc (and we just received terrible news about our fertility), my SIL got accidentally pregnant. It was so hard to be there the day my niece was born - joyous but painful. Like you, I stayed strong. Nearly one year later, we finally got our much sought-after BFP. You are right - hold on to that hope! - Tkeys *ICLW*

FET Accompli said...

Yes, it's always weird holding someone else's baby - but when it's an IF person, we rejoice a bit inside, for them and for us, knowing that if it happened for them, it can happen for us!

I am also making my way through all the blogs, meeting so many wonderful people along the way - definitely makes for late nights!
Happy ICLW

AplusB said...

I love when people I know struggled with infertility finally have the baby they've been hoping for, but I share your feeling of "when do I get my turn?" At least we all know we're not alone in this.

Astrid said...

This is a great post, it's so true. We do have to remember that IFers so very often do turn into parents. And it might not be today for us. Or tomorrow. But eventually, and the thing that makes the time go by fastest is not feeling sorry for ourselves, but enjoying life in the interim. Glad to 'meet' you, happy ICLW!

Robin said...

I know how you feel completely. I have been so happy for some of my IF graduate friends. Truly happy...for them. And then truly miserable for me!

You are a good friend though, to actually go to the hospital to see them. Wow.

ICLW

Lut C. said...

Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

Great post, really. And there are so many people in the same boat.