Still here, still waiting

I'm 9 DPO. I'm starting to be anxious to know one way or the other. This is always a long wait and with the holidays it just seems even longer. How's everyone else doing in their waiting?

18 kids?

We'd love to have more? If you haven't been under a rock, you've probably heard that the Duggars have had their 18th child. Talk about a slap in the face to everyone trying to conceive and having trouble. If they want more and can afford all of these children, why not adopt? There are plenty of children who need loving homes. In fact, if DH and I are never blessed with a pregnancy that sticks, we plan to adopt. Why is it these people feel that they need to keep popping out kids every year or so and risking her health? I know some people won't agree with me and feel that if they can afford to have them then by all means do. But come on people!! 18 kids? And you still want more? The older kids are the ones raising the younger kids. The oldest son married a girl that he had never even kissed. Wanna bet neither of them had a clue of what to do on the wedding night? I wonder if she was told to "Lie back and think of England?" Somehow, I can almost imagine that and it makes me chuckle evilly to myself.

O date 2 days early?

What? Something tells me fertility friend has screwed up my date, again. However, DH and I did get some shall we say quality time in the right time frame so we're back to the waiting game. Of course now I'm over analyzing everything. I feel tired, maybe I'm pregnant? Never mind, I went to bed late the last two nights. I feel nauseous, maybe I'm pregnant? Wiat no, that's just the left over parts of my cold that I can't seem to kick. And it goes on and on as my brain sperates into two portions, the hopeful side and the cynical side and argues with itself. Yeah, my brain has arguments with itself. I swear, I'm not crazy. I just keep hoping and hoping and there's a cynical part of me that keeps trying to keep the hopeful side from being crushed if things don't work out like planned.

He's got strep

Well, my plans for DH have been cancelled. He has strep throat. There is no way he'll be able to BD this month. At least not for making babies. After he gets well I'm sure we'll have some intimate time together, but this month will bring no baby. What's worse is I'm willing to bet I'll end up with strep. THat means one or both of us will be sick for Christmas. merry Christmas to us. Bah humbug.

Day 10

Tomorrow I have plans for my hubby, if we're both over this cold that has taken hold of the household for the last week. Even if we're not over the cold, I still have plans for him. Time for me to get my hopes up again and start that pins and needles waiting. Why do I do this to myself every month? Why can't I just let it go? Be it foolish or not, it's time to try again. Will I get a Christmas present to remember? Or will I be ringing in the New Year feeling like a failure again this year? CD1 should be New Year's Day. We shall see where this cycle leads.

CD1 came and went

It just came 3 days late and with it the hope that was dashed ironically as I was PIOS to see if through some odd chance of fate I had gotten knocked up. Talk about a hell of a way to find out. For the record, the test was negative. It's almost time again to start trying lots and lots. It's also almost the time for every relative I have to ask me if next year I'll have a little one to have a first Christmas. Oh the joys of the season.

Two week wait

My two week wait is almost over. Actually, it'll be over tomorrow. I have no doubt I will be visted by that worst day of the month, CD1. Our timing was bad, my temperature has dropped, and I have no signs at all of pregnancy. God, this sucks and I want to cry. I also want to cry for everyone else who is in this same boat as me. It isn't fair to any of us. Why is it a 19 year old who doesn't want to get pregnant and can't support a child can get knocked up by breathing wrong and we who want a child so much our hearts ache with pain each time we see a baby can't? What did we do to be in this boat and how do we get off?

Sometimes it's all you can do not to cry

Today my husband was joking around about the magical cleaning fairy and he says to me "If you're the magic cleaning fairy then I'll give you our firstborn to make the mess disappear." Sometimes the most off hand comments can hurt the most.

Monthly is done

Time to start planning the next week around available opportunities and hoping that my husband will be in the mood. It's hard to be in the mood when scheduling things like sex. Sponteniety has always worked better for us. Now we find ourselves planning everything. That can kill the mood and makes it feel more like work. It's more along the lines of "Come on honey, time to try and make a baby again" said in the best Dunkin' Doughnuts Fred the Baker voice. Still the hope every month is that it will work and I'll concieve and the baby will stick.

Hi, I'm April. I have a husband and a step-daughter. I love and adore both of them. I'm trying to get pregnant and have been trying for over a year now. I've not yet been labeled as infertile because I've had a miscarriage. In fact, I've had 2. Therefore, I can get pregnant. I just can't stay that way. In that way I'm sub fertile. Or so the doctor says.

Today is CD1. For those of you out there in blog-land who aren't trying to get pregnant or are able to get pregnant just by drinking water, that means cycle day 1. This is the beginning of the monthly cycle that is my living hell because when one is trying to get pregnant and can't, it's inevitable that every friend or person you know is going to announce a pregnancy or have their baby and show off how adorable their newborn is. It just rubs salt in an already open and bleeding sore on your heart, but you smile and exclaim, "Congratulations! That's great!" even though inside you're screaming different words that later you feel guilty about because it is great and you are happy for them. You just wish it was you.

Join me in my journey. I can't promise it will be pretty. I can't promise it'll be fun. I just hope that it ends in a family.