Saturday, April 23, 2016


I feel  as if I should say that I'm not dead. Because I'm not, not really. There's so much that I could and should fill you in on for the last three years. But the reality is I've walked away from the space.  I walked away from this blog. We haven't adopted. We haven't gotten pregnant. In just over a year, J will go off to college and then I'll be an empty-nester at the ripe old age of 40. I'm not sure where the next phase of life is going to take me. I never thought I'd not have children of my own. I never pictured this as my life.

Part of me wants to rant and rail at the heavens over the unfairness of it all. But I know that doesn't help and won't change the reality that it didn't happen for us. There was no magic fix, not happy ending. The truth is that I still mourn the children I'll never have, the future I didn't get. The one with the 2.3 perfect children and the house with the picket fence. Okay, the house does have a picket fence. But it doesn't have the children.

When I stepped away, it was just supposed to be temporary. I was only going to take a month or so off from posting. Instead, it's stretched into almost 3 years. Now I find myself thinking of the next stage and how to move forward. I'm not taking this space down, but I am going to repurpose it eventually. I see a space sharing the adventures of a pair of young empty-nesters. A place where perhaps I can find myself again.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

I would want to read that story, too. Even if it wasn't the one you thought you would tell. There are a lot of adventures we all could learn from in those words.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I agree with Mel. Maybe it wasn't what you envisioned for the blog when you first started it or even three years ago when you stepped away, but your story has value.

Mali said...

I would also read that story. There's a real freedom in acceptance, a lifting of the burdens of hope, and I can see you're on your way there. Looking forward to reading you.