Saturday, August 7, 2010

Birthday thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 33. I always thought I'd have a couple of kids running around by this point in time. Instead, I'll spend it without even seeing my step-daughter. I'll smile and pretend that I'm happy, but the truth is I'm really not. I'm sad. I'm really sad. I keep hoping for a miracle each month, hoping that next year I'll be holding a baby on my birthday, watching same said baby grow up each year, but I also know that I'm getting older and eventually age will be the enemy for having any said babies. Last year, I went to a baby shower on my birthday. It was for a fellow IFer who made it to the other side so I celebrated for her, even though my heart was breaking inside. But I just knew that it would be my turn in the next 12 months, just knew this. Of course, it hasn't been and we've sent more time not being able to try and have children in the last several months than we have spent trying. It's been hard. So this is my birthday wish again this year. Please, let it be my turn soon. Please let me give the Young'un a sibling to torture love. (I was the oldest child. I know the truth.) Please let me have a child, through whatever means it happens. Please let our family grow.

6 comments:

Heather said...

HUGS...

Happy Birthday my friend.

I was the oldest too...I know that truth! ;)

Iam veRONIque said...

Hugs..happy Happy Birthday. I am the oldest too and I know the feeling. My birthday is near and guess were on the same boat right now. You are not crazy and what you feel is quite understandable. Despite all these hardship we are encountering I wish you your ultimate heart desire to come true and that answered prayer will be given asap. Have a blessed and wonderful birthday.

MK said...

Birthdays just aren't the same anymore since IF. They're quite depressing every year.
Here's hoping your 34th will be filled with a baby or a very round belly. :)

Jin said...

((hugs))

I do hope, besides the suckiness that IF brings to birthdays, that you have (had) an amazing birthday.

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justine said...

I hope that your birthday wishes come true this year ... and in the meantime, please celebrate the gift that is you, the gift that you are to so many others.

jill said...

Happy Birthday! I sincerely hope you get your birthday wish :)

(I'm the oldest too - and I agree! hehe)