ICLW

Welcome to my home on the internet. You can read more about me here. We are currently on a break due to several things, but I'm hoping to get back in the stirrups after the holidays.

Happy ICLW!!

Still on break

We're still on a break from working on a baby. This time it is because of my ear infection which has ruptured my ear drum and will most likely involve surgery to correct. P is in the beginning of "theater season" which is his biggest excuse to play with power tools and build things, usually sets. This means I won't really see my husband for the next couple of months. I think I have him for 2 weeks around Thanksgiving, but the calendar isn't all filled out yet so that may still change. Either way, it spells no chance of making a baby the old fashioned way (like that actually works for us). Ugh.

In other news, we did not go to the party because we actually had other commitments that conflicted that I was unaware of as they weren't written on above mentioned calendar. I don't really regret not being there in the grand scheme of things. I'll meet the new baby during the holidays and that will be fine by me. This gives me time to steel myself for it and think of clever answers to give to my family. Or maybe I'll just out myself beyond the immediate family and see how it falls.

Lost in shadows

Today, I feel lost in shadows. I'm an infertile woman. I am one of thousands, but still in the shadows of it all. I schedule appointments for bloodwork, ultrasounds, results, all with the hope that somehow the doctor can find some way of helping me to get pregnant. I'll take pills, give myself shots, be pricked, probed, and prodded so that I may have a child. And yet, I will do it, as will thousands of others.

My private life will be examined by doctors. My family will give well meaning, but hurtful advice. I'll cry myself to sleep more often than I care to admit. There will be doubts, heartache, and fear each step of the way. If adoption is in my future, then even my fitness to be a parent will be questioned.

But I hope that one day I will be a mother, to a child of my own. I don't know the path yet. I don't know the steps. I don't even know if this child will be biological. But one day, I hope there will be a child who calls me mom and it will be the child that is meant to be with me.

I am an infertile woman. I live in the shadows, but I long to be in the light.

Parties and babies

My cousin, the fertile one who's shower I helped orchestrate, is having a party for her brother who is entering the military. She had the baby in mid-August. My problem is I want to go and see my cousin off, but I don't know if I can take an evening of cooing over a baby and the inevitable questions about when I'll be producing a baby. After all, we've been married for over 3 years and I'm not getting any younger, or so I've been told. I have until Saturday to decide.

Bullet point

Or how I'll get some of the things rattling around in my head out.

1. I have having an ear infection. And I've had this one for a month!!! I keep going back to the ear doctor and he vacuums (yes, vacuums) my ear out, gives me antibiotic drops, and asks to see me again next week. Add in the fact this thing has caused my ear drum to rupture and caused some hearing loss and it adds up to a miserable month.

2. The Young'un brought home a cold when she was at our house this past weekend. Now P and I are both dealing with our own versions of it. So now I have a sick husband who thinks he's dying while I've got the same cold plus the above mentioned ear infection and am still going about life as normal.

3. I've not been very motivated and as such I have several projects at home that are just sitting there and staring at me every evening.

4. My car needs an oil change and I haven't found the time to drop it off yet.

5. I don't know if I'm thrilled over the conception story line for "How I Met Your Mother" this season. It would have been bad enough if they had gotten pregnant right away, but if this turns into an infertility story line, I shudder at what all they will screw up.

6. ICLW was wonderful this month and I made Iron Commentor!

Trying to write a post

I'm trying to write a new post, but it's not coming like I thought it would. There's a lot of things swirling around in my brain, but I can't find the words to share today.

ICLW

Welcome everyone from ICLW! This is my little corner of the internet and I invite you to look around and stay for a while.

I'm April. I'm married to P. I have an 11 year old step-daughter, The Young'un. We have been trying to add to our family since 2007. We've recently begun seeing Dr. Cool, whom I kicked in the head at my HSG. I've also been avoiding the office for the last 2 months because of various things in life that have interferred, like work, vacation, and a general unhappiness that's hit me the last month or so. I attribute the unhappiness to lots of friends having babies and us well, not.

10 things about me

1. I crochet. I've recently begun experimenting with lace weight yarn.
2. I have dogs, 3 of them to be exact. The smallest is 45 lbs and the largest is 80lbs.
3. I hate to dust. Detest it actually. I'll take extra turns at loading the dishwasher to get out of dusting.
4. It's the same thing with vacuuming.
5. I love to bake and I'm happy that fall is coming quickly so that I can start baking again.
6. I'm tempted to put out my Halloween decorations already.
7. My favorite musical is "Phantom of the Opera" and I finally saw it this past weekend.
8. My favorite TV shows are "How I Met Your Mother", "NCIS", "Glee", and "House". I watch two of those online each week because they all have the same time slots on the days they air.
9. I love to read and have been going through at least 1 book a week for years. Usually it's two or more.
10. My favorite day of the week is Saturday, even though it tends to be the busiest day of the week.

So there you have it. Welcome and please come back and visit again!