Still no CD1

I'm now 17 days late. Tomorrow is the blood test to see if through some odd miracle, I am pregnant. I really wish they would have listened and given me the provera last week. But apparently rules are rules and since P and I were intimate a few days before the appointment, we had to wait a total of 10 days "just in case". Sigh.

To make life more fun, my mom and my sister are at my house for the week for a workshop near where I live. They don't know I'm late and I'm not about to tell them because I can already hear my mom on the phone telling everyone that she's going to be a grandma. This is the same woman who told me I should just go to the hospital and ask for a Haitian orphan, because they are just giving them away apparently.

Once I have results from tomorrow, I'll update at some point in time and fill everyone in. Wish me luck. Your choice on for what.

3 days late

I'm 3 days late. I want to test, but I'm terrified. Afterall, miracle don't just happen do they? In a month where there was an HSG and relations with the husband only once, is there really a chance? Anyone else ever be late after an HSG? Hope is creeping up with each day of being late, yet I know that my chances are really, really small that we managed to get pregnant all on our own. This wait may be the one, but I can't bring myself to find out for sure.

Happy Friday!

Today is a most wonderful Friday. Today is payday. Because it was pay day and because the Young'un's birthday is in 13 days with her party in 15 days, I wandered out to do a little shopping. After blowing a little portion of my check on her, I wandered to get some coffee.

This within itself is odd as I don't like coffee. Even odder is that I would go and get coffee because today begins the wonderful 2ww. But it's a nice sunny day here and so I decided to wander in for a nice, cold, non-coffee drink to enjoy with my lunch. See? Eventually logic does enter my brain and I did stop and think before I ordered.

So, I'm now waiting on this last wait before going off to an RE. I'm being stubborn and not even making an appointment at this point in time because I'm afraid to jinx myself. So I'll wait until around 10dpo and think about making an appointment then since I'm sure we'll know if it worked or not just based off of if there is PMS or not.

So, I'll sit here and sip my Double Chip frappachina, enjoy the lots of calories it brings as a treat, and wait. Please, sit and wait with me. I'd really appreciate the company.

Soundtrack

In my world, life has a soundtrack. Music has been a huge part of my life and as such, in my head I have my little "radio" that lays random tunes. Now before you think I'm nuts and that I've lost whatever of my mind still remains, I assure you I am fine. (Yes, I know crazy people never think they are crazy. The difference is I know I'm crazy.) Anywho, soundtracks. Lately I've had 1 song playing over and over in my head and also in my car since I have the cd on repeat. Matchbox 20's "Long Day". This song has been playing for the following lines: "Reach down your hand in your paocket / Pull out some hope for me. / It's been a long day, always ain't that right. / No lord your hand won't stop it / Just keep it trembling / It's been a long day always, ain't that right." Yes, the chorus of this kinda depressing song has become my current theme song for this cycle. Because I need to hope and I'm finding it hard to do so before ovulation has even occurred.

I have no idea why I'm so negative about this cycle. Maybe because it's the last before the next step, if the next step is needed? Maybe because it seems that everyone I know IRL is making pregnancy announcements at the moment? (I knew this was going to happen when we got 3 feet of snow in February. Somehow, I just knew there would be lots of babies coming.) Maybe it's because I'm scared that it will work and then I'll be in a different world than what I've known. I'll be the elusive exectant mother. I know it happens, I've met them. But it doesn't seem to stick for me so it seems like a dream. A really nice dream that's just beyond my fingertips. Still, if you can reach down and pull out some hope to share, Lord knows I need it this month.

Two week wait is here

Fertility Friend pinned ovulation 3 days ago. This was confirmed by the OPKs and a teperature shift as well. We managed to make our attempts only once this cycle because of too many adventures at home. Mainly from our dear darling dog who presented us with a nice ripe groundhog that she was lovingly burying in the couch. How she managed to get past both me and my husband with this is still amazing to us, but when one is doing laundry and the other is doing work then the dog can sneak past. So our desire for children was overridden by the foul smell and frantic cleaning of the living room to prepare for the company coming over the next day. However, I will say that Nature's Miracle is worth its weight in gold. It actually removed all evidence from the couch in less than 18 hours. Not even my white glove mother in law noticed anything. And she notices everything. So now we wait and see. Maybe this'll be the month. However, I'm not going to let myself get too hopeful. Or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Ugh again

Well, temperatures are dropping. Nothing has started yet, but it's not looking good. I'm still not giving up hope until AF arrives, but even the hope is starting to dwindle for this cycle. DH said that he doesn't think I'm broklen and all we need is time and less stress in our lives. I appreciate his words and I know they come from his heart. I just wish I knew for sure that there wasn't something wrong with me. But our insurance won't even cover testing and I'm beginning to think that I may have to find a new practice that will fight for me and actually test me. I need to know what's wrong. I need to know if I'm capable of having a child and right now I just don't know.

Weekend in

I spent a nice weekend in this weekend. Even though it was nice outside, well kinda nice outside, DH and I spent a romantic weekend at our house. We're in the 2WW now. Fertility friend pinned my O date 2 days earlier than expected again, but we're covered so now we wait. Who's here with me now?

Finally a spike!

The cold weather in playing tricks on my body temperature. We've had temperatures close to freezing for the last few days and me, the human furnace, hasn't felt a need to kick off any blankets for the last few days. My BBT is also reflecting this trend. however, this morning brought a spike. Now if only fertility friend would notice there has been a gradual increase and pin ovulation so I can sit here and be nervous about possible conception as opposed to a possible anovulatory cycle. Somedays the waiting is hard, but I'm going to be positive. After all, I got a great fortune in my fortune cookie for dinner on Saturday. It says "Good news on a long awaited occurance is coming soon." I'm taking it to mean that there will be a pregnancy in my future sooner as opposed to later.

It's almost time again!

Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the month. The hormones are coursing and clothing is flying. The hubby and I have plans for the weekend and it's going to be fun. Yes, we hope that conception will occur, but it's more for fun than anything this month. Well, it's always for fun. Let's be honest here. We haven't reached the point yet where I start yelling from the bedroom to come quickly, I'm ovulating. However, I'll be honest. I've thought about it a few times. Monday will begin the two week wait and my nerves will go back on high alert. Anyone else out there almost in the two week wait? Or am I all alone right now?

O date 2 days early?

What? Something tells me fertility friend has screwed up my date, again. However, DH and I did get some shall we say quality time in the right time frame so we're back to the waiting game. Of course now I'm over analyzing everything. I feel tired, maybe I'm pregnant? Never mind, I went to bed late the last two nights. I feel nauseous, maybe I'm pregnant? Wiat no, that's just the left over parts of my cold that I can't seem to kick. And it goes on and on as my brain sperates into two portions, the hopeful side and the cynical side and argues with itself. Yeah, my brain has arguments with itself. I swear, I'm not crazy. I just keep hoping and hoping and there's a cynical part of me that keeps trying to keep the hopeful side from being crushed if things don't work out like planned.