Last day of Clomid!

YAY! I hope I never have to go back on this stuff for as long as I live. I'm hoping it will help us achieve our goal of having a child, but the side effects do not make it something I would want to have to do more rounds with. Anyway, we're about a week away from the 2WW, so that means lots of time alone with the husband. He's as happy that I took the last pill today as I am. He mentions something about missing his wife because some crazy whacko showed up to take her place. I have no idea what he would be referring to as I was a perfectly calm, cool, and collected woman who would never shriek like a banshee because he did something dumb, stupid, thoughtless, etc to his wife who had crazy medication amplifying everything in her brain. No, not me. Never. So anyway, i guess the whole purpose is to say that we survived 4 rounds of clomid and lived to tell about it.

CD 5 / Day 3

Okay, now I'm worried because there have been no side effects of the annoying kind so far this cycle. I was prepared for the jitters, the night sweats, the general crankiness and craziness that characterized the last two times I was on this medication. However, this time there is nothing. And now I wonder if it's working. For what it's worth, my protocol for this month is 100mg on days 3-7. Sex starts on CD10. Yay. More scheduled intamacy with my husband. I miss spontaniety.

Is there ever a time in this journey when there isn't something niggling at the back of our heads? What if I'm pregnant this time? What if I'm not? Do we want to do another round of treatments? Do we stay on this path or search for another? When do the questions end? Do the end? I know as a step-parent I question everything constantly. I hope that maybe if I ever have one of my own, maybe I won't question as much, though I'm sure Iwill. Probably even more than I do now. We'll see. It's all in God's hands for me.

CD3 / Day 1

The clomid begins again. So far, no jitters, hot flashes, or irrational mood swings, but it's only 9:30 in the morning. We'll see how this week goes.

To make this week even more fun, it's tech week for a show for which I'm running a light board. This means rehearsals every evening and short sleep every night. P is building it and running the sound. The young'un is dancing in it as it's for her ballet school. Oh well. Nothing like added stress to compliment the extra hormonal infertile, right? At least on Friday after the show there will be drinking. massive drinking. By massive, I mean 1 as I have the tolerance of a gnat. But it counts, right?

So anyway, the gist of this is I'm back in the saddle and ready to try and make a baby. Please God, let this time work.

No miracle here

I know I said I'd be back next year, but I wanted to give an update. Our hopes ended 2 days early on the day after Christmas. my consolation prize is that we did have Christmas before we found out. Today I took my first dose of clomid. I cried when I picked it up from the pharmacy. Well, I cried in the car afterwards. I didn't walk through the store with tears streaming down my face, though I wanted to do so. So for the next 4 days I take another pill and then we see where this leads. In my heart I know it's the beginning of the end. I just don't know what that end is yet.