ICLW!

Hello and welcome ICLWers! Please see this post for my introduction. This month I actually have some news to share. I got my orders for blood work on CD22. That will be on Nov. 2. My dearly beloved husband has an SA on Tuesday. The doctor wanted Monday, but we held out for Tuesday because ovulation should occur on Saturday. And since he leaves for the weekend on Friday, all best attempts must occur before he leaves.

My annual and "Let's talk about my lack of babies." appointment was this morning at 7:15. After getting lost heading to the practice's other office and arriving 15 minutes late for my appointment, I was grateful they managed to work me in for everything. I really did not want to have to reschedule again. Now I sit here still feeling icky from the appointment and contemplating a second shower, just to get rid of the icky feeling. That may have possibilities.

Once I have some results, I will share. Happy ICLW!

And out again

The monthly reminder of my failure as a woman arrived on Sunday. Monday, I started a new temp job and canceled my doctor's appointment because I wouldn't be able to get the time off. Today was to have been the appointment. This evening at 5, I was let go from the temp job because of the trainer feeling I wasn't a good fit with her personality. The person I was going to be reporting to liked me. But I never made it past the week of training. The irony of all of it was that I actually liked the person that was training me. I liked the company. I liked the department. But now I'm home, unemployed, and without a doctor's appointment to get started on finding out why I fail as a woman every month. I know this month is a loss as it is. The husband is out of town the week he is needed. But I was hoping to get started on what could be done with tests and such. Now I have to try and get in again ASAP in case I get another new job and then won't be able to get the time off as needed. I'm just still kind of in shock over the whole thing. When I left work today, the person who let me go said "I'll see you tomorrow." On my way home, the temp agency called and let me know I no longer had a job to return to tomorrow. If she didn't want me there, why not tell me then and collect my badge, sign the time sheet, and not lie to my face? ARGH!!!!! So tomorrow, I begin calling to get my appointment rescheduled. Hopefully, I can so that things can get started. I was hoping to begin to have answers today. But there are still only questions.

Still hanging on

It's been a hectic week trying to get through everyone on ICLW. It's made for a few late nights, but I'm enjoying meeting everyone and realizing that I'm not the only one out there. Some days I feel very alone in this world of IF. On Wednesday, I went to the hospital and met a fellow IFer's new baby. The baby is beautiful. Mom and Dad are over the moon. I sat there holding this sweet bundle of newborn joy and all I kept thinking was "When is it my turn?".

Then leaving the hospital, the women care hospital, surrounded by pregnant bellies and new babies, all I wanted to do was run to my car and sob and feel sorry for myself because I wasn't pregnant and didn't have a baby at home. But I did not. I did not give in to the sadness. Instead, I remembered all of the years of struggling C&B went through to have their beautiful daughter. I remembered all the years of heartache they went through. It was not a day to be jealous of their happiness, even if a little part of me still was. It was a day to remember that there are others in the same boat. There are others who have been at this same point. And some of those same others have crossed over and have their bundles of joy. I just have to keep thinking that one day it will be my turn as well.

ICLW

I am doing ICLW this month and saw on another blog a quick post about who they are and their journey so far. I thought I'd borrow the idea because frankly, it's brilliant. And it lets me talk about myself and not feel self-conscious. Okay, so having a blog kinda kills the thought that I'm self-concious, but play along, please?

I'm April. I've been married for 2 years to my wonderful husband P. I have a beautiful step-daughter J., also known as the young'un. She's 10 going on 30. P. and I have been trying to have a child of our own for 2 years and have managed only a miscarriage in Jan. 08. Next month I will be spending "quality time" with my GYN at my annual and will be pushing for tests to be done to get started on why we aren't having children and what can be done to help. Of course, I'm beginning to think the first course of action will be to find a new doctor since so far the current one has only suggested using OPKs.

Outside of my childbearing abilities, or more accurately my lack there of, I crochet, read, watch tv, and spend lots and lots of time in the waiting room at the young'un's dance classes. I'm also participating in the Light the Night walk in memory of Joe Lin who lost his battle with leukemia at age 33. He left behind a young wife, a brother, and parents all of whom were devastated by the loss. Yes, that is a shameless appeal for donations to this cause, if you are so inclined.

That's about it in a nutshell. Right now I'm in IF limbo, but still valiantly trying each month. Thank you for stopping by!

A new job, a new day, and a new cycle.

Today has been horrible. Today for the first time since I made the decision 2 weeks ago, I really wish I had never quit my old job. Granted, a lot of that is probably from the hormones of CD2, but you never know. So far at my new (temporary) job, I had 3 spreadsheet go crazy, Adobe freeze 3 different times, and got to meet 4 people that I'll be working with, 3 of whom are pregnant. One is due in 2 months. The rest are all due after I'm done with this assignment. So after I had to stay late to finish the 3 spreadsheets that were all due today before 6, I made a mad dash to get a reasonably early bus so as to get home before 7. In the mad dash, I managed to trip, fall, skin my knee, and rip my favorite pair of work pants. And I missed that particular bus. I got home at 7:15. I'm still waiting for dinner to be delivered since I refuse to cook at this point. So to sum up, I got my period and am not pregnant, again. I have a nice bruised knee that is skinned. My favorite beloved black slacks that fit just right are ripped and ruined. My husband has not yet arrived back home with my pizza. I think it's time for a glass or three of wine.

New thermometer, same story

So I bought a new thermometer late last week. I know that taking temperatures at this point wasn't going to really give me much confirmation, but at least I had it for next month. Three days later, the pup finds it, breaks the case, and then breaks the thermometer. Time to move it off of the night stand during the day and hope I remember to bring it back before bed each night now. If he wasn't so cute, I'd have to be really mad at him right now.

I have been a bad charter

I have been a very bad charter this month. This is mostly due to the fact that my puppy ate my thermometer (yes really) and I just haven't made it to Target to get a new one. Instead, we're winging it this month. Okay, so it isn't really winging it when you can predict your ovulation date without the need for a thermal shift to confirm, but sometimes it's nice to pretend. Besides, it gives me more of an excuse to jump my husband.