We're back! (Officially this time)

The cycle started Friday and now I'm counting the days to trying. I've dusted off my trusty thermometer. I've marked days on the calendar. I'm hopeful yet again. Anyone else in this month? Or am I all alone?

And we're back!

Well, not officially yet, but soon. As any charter, current, reformed, or other will tell you, once you start checking things you start to learn the cues if your cycle is nice and stable. Which luckily mine is. So in a couple of days, I'll be officially back from this hiatus and ready to start making me some babies trying again. The break has been nice as life handed us lots of non-time in this past month. Things should start to settle down soon and everything will go back to what passes for normal at our house.

We took this month off

Why you ask? Because it's getting harder each month to pretend that we aren't worried or that it doesn't hurt when each cycle ends in no pregnancy. It hurts to hear about friends who are having babues, no matter how happy we are for them. It hurts wondering if you'll ever get to make that same announcement. It hurts being the one who smiles even as your heart breaks when you see babies and hear the stories of "We weren't really trying, but we're pregnant!".
People ask "When will you be having a baby?" and you grit your teeth and smile politely while making up an answer just so they will leave you alone.

So this month we didn't try to time anything, didn't check anything, didn't do anything at all about having a child. This month, I enjoyed just being me and not worrying about sticking a thermometer ni my mouth each morning at the crack of dawn. I didn't set my alarm for the weekends. I didn't grab my husband and inform him that I was fertile and he better make with the fun. We know my pattern and know when we really should be doing the deed, but it's not the priority this month. And you know what? I'm fine with that this month. Next month, I make no promises, but for now I'm not going to stress.

It still hurts deep inside though.

It came on Saturday

And I'm out for another month. As much as I had a feeling this wasn't going to be the month, I still let that little spark of hope creep in and now I wait another month. However, speaking of hope, go give Tara some love. She's going in for her beta tomorrow and is spotting today. Send love and prayers her way that it's just implantation spotting and that there will be a baby at the end of her journey.

Ugh again

Well, temperatures are dropping. Nothing has started yet, but it's not looking good. I'm still not giving up hope until AF arrives, but even the hope is starting to dwindle for this cycle. DH said that he doesn't think I'm broklen and all we need is time and less stress in our lives. I appreciate his words and I know they come from his heart. I just wish I knew for sure that there wasn't something wrong with me. But our insurance won't even cover testing and I'm beginning to think that I may have to find a new practice that will fight for me and actually test me. I need to know what's wrong. I need to know if I'm capable of having a child and right now I just don't know.

Weekend in

I spent a nice weekend in this weekend. Even though it was nice outside, well kinda nice outside, DH and I spent a romantic weekend at our house. We're in the 2WW now. Fertility friend pinned my O date 2 days earlier than expected again, but we're covered so now we wait. Who's here with me now?

Octuplets? By IVF?!?

What was this woman thinking? I had at first thought it was an IUI that went slightly awry. Or possibly a decision to chance it after doctors finding too many follicles to do an IUI. But to find out that not only did she willing get implanted with enough embryos to have octuplets, but that she has 6 more at home? And that all are the product of IVF and that she has no job, lives with her mother, and there is no father in the picture? She just wanted to be able to make money off of her new babies? There is something very wrong with this picture. Either the woman is very disturbed or the doctor should have his license revoked, or more likely both.

I wasn't going to post about this. Others have spoken on this subject more eloquently that I am able to do. however, the more I find out about this woman, the more sick I feel in my heart. I feel horrible for those poor children.

I hope that no doctor will ever work with her so that she can have more children. The very act of being inplanted with 8 embryos has set back understanding for so many IVFers. It just a sad sad day when a doctor would endanger their patient's life in such a manner. The health risks from carrying so many babies is horrible for both the mother and the babies.

I have more that I could rant about on this subject, but it would take days to say it all. I just hope that the babies and the other children will be okay.