Confirmation of no pregnancy was received yesterday when I got home from work. Blah. Today is CD2 and in another 10 days, I'm jumping my husband. If there isn't another pregnancy, even one that fails in 3 months, I'm calling the doctor and insisting they test me. I'm not even sure I can wait 3 months at this point. We threw out the birth control 18 months ago. We've had 1 pregnancy that made it to 6w2d. There was a possible chemical pregnancy, but we aren't really sure that it was. It's frustrating and demoralizing and is teaching me more patience than ever. I just have to have faith in God, but at times it's so very hard. I know that everything occurs for a reason and that everything happens in its own time, but sometimes I'd really like to have a crystal ball to see when it happens.
It doesn't appear it was for me. Instead dear frinds of mine, C&B have found out after 2 years of IUI's that have failed and running out of insurance money that they are expecting their first, made the old-fashioned way. They had started on a journey to adopt and never expected to have a pregnancy. I wish them the best of luck and hope that their little bean sticks and that they deliver a healthy baby in September. Stick baby, stick!
The cold weather in playing tricks on my body temperature. We've had temperatures close to freezing for the last few days and me, the human furnace, hasn't felt a need to kick off any blankets for the last few days. My BBT is also reflecting this trend. however, this morning brought a spike. Now if only fertility friend would notice there has been a gradual increase and pin ovulation so I can sit here and be nervous about possible conception as opposed to a possible anovulatory cycle. Somedays the waiting is hard, but I'm going to be positive. After all, I got a great fortune in my fortune cookie for dinner on Saturday. It says "Good news on a long awaited occurance is coming soon." I'm taking it to mean that there will be a pregnancy in my future sooner as opposed to later.
It looks like I have an extra day of trying. After a very fun weekend, my temperature did not go up this morning as anticipated. This doesn't mean that I haven't ovulated. It just means I didn't have a rise in temperature today. I'll be on the look-out for it tomorrow and I'll entice the hubby for more fun tonight. After all, as long as the temperature has not yet risen, you should continue to try. We're still newly-weds in some form, right?
Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the month. The hormones are coursing and clothing is flying. The hubby and I have plans for the weekend and it's going to be fun. Yes, we hope that conception will occur, but it's more for fun than anything this month. Well, it's always for fun. Let's be honest here. We haven't reached the point yet where I start yelling from the bedroom to come quickly, I'm ovulating. However, I'll be honest. I've thought about it a few times. Monday will begin the two week wait and my nerves will go back on high alert. Anyone else out there almost in the two week wait? Or am I all alone right now?
This year I'm still hoping for a baby. A child of my own to love. However, I'm striving for a more positive outlook. Sometimes I get so bogged down in the feelings of inadequacy from not being pregnant and not having a baby that I lose sight of the blessings in my life I do have. I have a wonderful husband whom I adore. He loves me as I am, no matter what. He's always there for me, even when he thinks I've lost my mind. I have a wonderful step-daughter whom I adore. Every week she grows smarter and more beautiful and I'm so lucky to have her as part of my life and to be able to be a part of hers. May this be the year that we all add new additions to our families to love.
CD1 came on December 31st. We start trying again on Jan 10th. As much as I had a feeling that this cycle wasn't the one for us, I still had that little bit of hope. Now we wait and start again. If there still is no baby in 6 months, I'm going to go to my doctor and ask for testing because this isn't normal. One miscarriage and then nothing for a year isn't normal. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I need to know so that if it can be fixed, we can get it fixed. If it can't be fixed, then we start making plans for adoption as we have no coverage for IF treatments. Pennsylvania isn't a mandatory coverage state so everything would have to be out of pocket. This means that we would be saving to adopt instead of saving for the possibility of trying once for a pregnancy that may or may not occur.
I'm not going to dwell on this though. It's a new year and we have a new start for the month. Maybe this will be our month and next year we'll ring in the new year with our own bundle of joy.